Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Get to know your spouse again... in 90 questions

Recently I saw the movie Fireproof. What a good movie that was. In the movie, the guy needs to get to know his wife all over again. What a concept. My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We have a great relationship. But healthy discussion is a good thing. People's opinions, likes and dislikes change as they get older. So I have taken 90 questions from the internet and compiled them below for us and you.

+ Now! Here are some suggestions of how to approach this:
+ Husband and wife get a glass of wine (or a bottle) and
+ over a period of six days... Monday-Saturday, or one day a week, or one day a month,
+ ask each other the questions... chatting and talking.
+ If as you are talking you think of other questions to ask, write them down for a later time.
+ The discussions should not run over two hours...
+ if they do, continue on another day.
+ Have fun, You may be surprised at some of the answers you get - things you thought you knew or things you never thought to ask
+ don't get offended, take it all in stride and
+ always start and end with a hug, kiss and prayer.

1. When you look at a woman/ man, what is the first thing you notice?
2. What was the first thing that attracted you about me?
3. Tell me when you first knew you loved me?
4. What is important in a marriage to you?
5. Do you feel that one partner in a couple should be able to vacation alone?
6. Have I ever embarrassed you?
7. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
8. What is the biggest regret in your life?
9. Define love?
10. Do you think men love differently than women?
11. How do you know when I’m mad?
12. Describe yourself if you can't use profession/marital status?
13. What is the one thing that you wish that I would tell you?
14. What do you do to make me happy that you don’t particularly like to do?
15. What is the one thing that you think it would be important for a woman to know about men or vice versa

16. Describe the way I smell.
17. Tell me how you describe me to other people?
18. How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?
19. If I don’t say so, how do you know that I want to make love?
20. Do you have sexual dreams? Tell me about some of them.
21. What is something that I do sexually that you like and don't think that I do often enough?
22. How do you feel if I come into the bathroom when you are using the facilities?
23. If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?
24. If your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell your spouse about it?
25. Do you believe that an internet affair is actually an affair?
26. How did you learn what it meant to be a man/woman?
27. What about your body do you like most.
28. What about your body do you not like, and would change if you could?
29. What is one thing that could happen that would make your day?
30. If you could ask me one question, what would that be?

31. What did you think the first time you met my mother and father?
32. Describe your parents marriage. What was the best part and the worst part in your opinion?
33. What is the biggest secret in your family that nobody talks about?
34. Were you ever sexually, emotionally, or verbally abused?
35. Who was the first person who died in your life and how did you feel?
36. What would you want people to say about you after you passed away?
37. If you died today, how would you like your final arrangements handled?
38. When you are depressed, what do you do or how do you act? What do you do to overcome the depression?
39. Have you ever achieved a New Years resolution?
40. What is the one thing that you'd like to change about yourself?
41. What is the most important thing in your life?
42. What are you most ashamed of and why?
43. What is the most unselfish thing that you think you have ever done?
44. Where is the one place that you want to go and why?
45. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

46. What is the most important thing that money can do for you?
47. If money were no object, what is the one thing that would be most important for you to do?
48. If you had one day to live, what would you do?
49. If you won the lottery, what would you like to accomplish?
50. If you gave money to charity, which ones would you choose and why?
51. If you won the lottery, would you continue working?
52. How did you choose the career you are in?
53. What do you think makes successful people successful?
54. Do you believe that couples should keep separate bank accounts ? Who controls the money?
55. Do you feel that you have enough education?
56. What was the biggest mistake you think you ever made and how did it change your life?
57. Do you vote for the same party every election? Why?
58. What is the thing that you fear most?
59. When do you think that it is OK to keep a secret and why?
60. Who is the person you admire most and why?

61. Who do you believe is the dominant one in a relationship and why?
62. hat is the one thing that I do that makes you crazy?
63. If you were really in trouble, who would you go to for advice, other than your spouse?
64. Who do you feel responsible for in your life?
65. If you were going to write a book, what would it be about?
66. Do you feel that you have ever shown prejudice to another person?
67. Who is your very best friend and why?
68. What age do you think people are old and how do you think that changes their lives?
69. What was (past tense) your favorite age to be and why?
70. Did you have a pet growing up and which was your favorite?
71. What animals do you like and not like?
72. Do you think that animals have souls?
73 Do you believe in Ghosts?
74. Do you Believe in Aliens?
75. What is the one thing that you think that I could do that would hurt you the worst?

76. If somebody handed you a magic lamp and gave you three wishes, what would they be?
77. Can you think of something you craved for when you were young and were denied?
78. Who are you closer to – your mum/dad - and why?
79. What is the first memory you have?
80. What do I cook that you are tired of?
81. What is your favourite: Song; Movie; TV Show; Book.
82. What is your favourite piece of clothes (that you own currently and why?
83. What is your favourite: dish; fruit; desert; ice cream; drink; snack.
84. What is the last book you read?
85. What is your favourite bible story?
86. What is your favourite church song?
87. What do you like most about your faith?
88. What do you think you could do to be a better Christian?
89. Define your relationship with God.
90. If you could ask God anything and he would answer you, what would it be?


  1. I get so many hits to this page. Please someone, leave a note and let me know what you think of the page and how this worked for you.

    1. I'll try this and let you know.

  2. My hubby and I recently used a bunch of these questions on our first date in five months. Hes been sick, had surgery & is finally recovered enough to go out!! Not to mention our two babies keep us busy!! These questions opened up lots of fun and serious convorsations!! Thank you so much for posting them!!

  3. Thank you. My wife and I had a great time putting them together and answering them. We too have young kids.

  4. My wife and I are having some issues after 20 years of being together. I feel as though this would help us both to discover each others feelings again.
    I copied them to word and will ask her to try them. I really want this to work. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

    1. HI John, I hope they work for you. Good luck. We will say a prayer for you.

  5. I think this is a great list and I tried to pin it to Pinterest for later reference, however there are no pinnable images. I know that the people of Pinterest would love this, if an image were added it could be pinned on Pinterest and potentially reach a lot of people. Thank you.

  6. thanks! Im putting together a list for our honeymoon! going to use a lot of these

  7. We are going on a long car ride and I'm taking these questions to talk about. Should be fun!

  8. My husband just sort of moved out.We have been married for 11yrs. We have a child together,and I am going to try these questions on him and see if I can win him back.

    1. God bless you. May it be His will that you are reunited.

  9. I am in a very new relationship, only since Jan 27th and we got engaged March 2nd. Our biggest problem we are seeing is communication. We fight and have disagreements that could be avoided if we communicated better. We believe that God brought us together. I hope that these questions will help us get to know each other better.

    1. I hope they help. The Catholic Engage encounter is a good place to get to know your spouse to be. Any denomination can be a part of it. Just call your local catholic church and they would put you on to the group.

    2. Maraiges last when we lower our expectations of what the role of your spouse ought to be and we begin to accept our spouse for who they are. Always keep God in your relationship.... and then your family..... when the kids come along

  10. I met my husband 5 years ago after talking for 2 months. We both have always believed God put us together cause of certain things. We dated on and off for 2 years and finally after our last break up when I had tried to move on he realized how he needed me in his life and I completed him and he proposed a 2nd time on Valentine's day and married 12 days later. Now things are falling apart and I pray I can connect with him again like our first 2 months. I pray that one day we will be blessed with kids but I wouldn't want to bring a baby into our current mess no matter how bad I want it. I'm just confused on what to do cause he fails at communication so I'm not sure how to approach this idea to him.

    1. Dear sister,
      Sometimes we do not see the stones that trip us into falling. While the questions posed here are to better know each other, they are not a substitute for counseling.

      We each have issues that pull us down in a relationship. Sometimes it is our expectations of our spouse. Sometimes people say of their partner regarding something that they do: "that will have to stop when we get married". Sometimes there is an expectation of what the role of a woman and a man is in a relationship, and when we do not meet those expectation our spouse becomes mad at us. But relationships are a two way street and as we criticize we must look not only at our partner but also at our self. What are we doing to upset our partner.

      Love is a sacrifice. Saying that " he met me this way" does not mean that I must continue to be this way. Loving unconditionally is God's way. We are expected to try. In that trying, we learn to love and in doing so love God in a more genuine way.

      I do not know your particular issues and internet counseling is not the way to go. Seek counselors in your church or in a nearby church, but seek counseling.

      God bless your efforts that you may succeed.

  11. Thanks for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write ups thanks once again.
    Igreja Crista Brasileira na Australia

  12. My boyfriend and I are working our way through different questions; we live 1400 miles apart, and we are working towards him moving here. In the meantime, we stay as connected as we can, and these questions have been great for us. We pick a few a week and write each other letters based on these questions. It has been a great adventure to bring us closer together.

    1. Fantastic! When I first met my wife we would talk for hours. Seventeen years later we don't talk as much.... with chores and kids and such... but we always try to make time for each other, our family and God.

  13. My fiancé and I live 1300km apart, she in Cape Town, South Africa and myself up in the highveld in Johannesburg. Sometimes there are moments when saying "I miss you" and "I love you" feels emotionless. Regardless, our love is quite strong and what helped keep our connection ongoing was the dynamic that each question brought, sometimes forcing vulnerability so that we could become closer with one another. Thanks for posting.

  14. These questions are amazing!! My husband and I are going away for the weekend and I think these would be great to talk about over dinner. With jobs, kids and life in general, there has been some distance between us and I think these will really help us to reconnect.

    1. Hi Annie,
      i think the hardest question for me are two from day 1 - "define love" and "describe yourself if you can't use professional/marital status"

      For the define love I used the bible explanation. Then I had to stop and think, how can I say this without using 1 corinthians 13. But who am I if I am not husband, or father. Especially since I have created my live to be husband and father.

  15. It's funny that no matter how often we answer these kinds of questions that are responses vary/change. I loved the movie Fireproof and we're trying to fireproof our marriage. It's something that we have to choose to do everyday. These last several nights of sitting outside together and answering these specific questions have helped us get back a certain kind of intimacy that was starting to fizzle out. Thank you for taking your time to put this list of questions out there to help other couples reconnect.

  16. My husband and I are working so hard to get back to each other. We just finished day 6. The second and third day were more hard for us than the others. Could be because of the specific situation we are going though, but we enjoyed talking to each other. It helped us open us to each other more. Some questions we had trouble answering due to the vagueness, however, we answered them multiple ways in accordance to how we personally took the question. We honestly just enjoyed talking to each other again so we made it a priority to complete all days.

  17. God bless you Weston. May your marriage be strengthened.